Boys Will Be Boys
by Super Chino
Summary: Humor Ryan conjurs up a birthday surprise for Seth one he'll never forget.


Boys Will Be Boys

(One Shot)

Ryan had toiled over what to do for Seth's birthday for the past two weeks. Seth had everything he could ever want and, quite honestly, Ryan didn't know what to get him anyway. He'd been saving the money the Cohens had been giving him, hoping he'd come up with something special. Instead, here he was on the eve of Seth's birthday, sitting in the Rover at a red light no better off than he was two weeks ago when it came to this subject.

His eyes wandered the intersection as he lazily leaned on the center console…and then he saw it, the billboard that is. Right in front of him and big as life. A smile snuck onto his face and he bit his bottom lip. Confident that Seth had never done this before, Ryan chuckled to himself thinking about how he would react to this 'gift'. Sure, it was Seth's birthday but that didn't mean it couldn't be fun for both of them. When the light changed to green, Ryan rushed home to set the plans for the night in motion.

"Seth?" Ryan hollered, tossing the car keys on the foyer table. "Seth?"

"In here man."

Crossing the house to the den, Ryan plopped himself down on the couch and picked up a controller to the Playstation. "Start over man."

Ending his game, Seth made small talk. "So, Summer called earlier, she wanted to know if we wanted to go to the movies with her and Marissa. Then maybe do chili fries at the pier or something. What do you think?"

"No, we can't go."

"Dude, seriously, you don't want to go?" Seth asked, surprised.

"We can't. You and I have plans tonight…for your birthday." Ryan's comment got Seth's attention and he paused the game before it even started.

"What do you mean? What plans? The family dinner is tomorrow night."

"I know," Ryan confirmed. "That's why we have to do this tonight."

"So what are we doing?"

"It's a surprise."

"Dude, that's so cool! But you know me. I can't wait till tonight to find out, I'll implode. So what is it? I'll still love it even if you tell me."

"Not telling."

"Ryan, dude, come on. It's my birthday, just tell me."

"No. Start the game."

"We're going out for dinner?"

"No."

"We're going to the IMAX?"

"No."

"We're going to the Bait Shop to see a new band?"

"No! If you don't shut up, I'm not taking your anywhere." Ryan stated, putting an end to Seth's inquires.

"But Ryan, I could drop dead from anxiety before then!" Seth carried on.

"Well, then I'll have to go without you and I'll have to give your present to me." Reaching over, Ryan yanked Seth's controller out of his hand and restarted the game before tossing it back in Seth's lap.

"I hate you Ryan, you're evil!" Seth complained, snatching up the controller.

"Yeah well you're gonna love me later." Ryan smiled at the TV screen and Seth knew then he was in for a long evening. He wasn't sure what Ryan had up his sleeve but he'd lived with Ryan long enough to know that things were never dull when Ryan was involved.

A few hours later found Kirsten and Sandy preparing to go out for the evening. "You guys gonna be okay for dinner? Sure you don't want me to order you something before we go? It's already after seven and you guys didn't eat yet," Kirsten worried, peeking in the fridge for leftovers.

"Well be fine," Ryan acknowledged. "Seth and I are gonna go out for a while. We'll grab something down on the pier."

"Yeah we'll be fine. You should go, you don't want to be late." Ushering his parents out the door was the only way Seth was going to get to Ryan's gift and his patience was wearing thin.

"Sounds good. Here's some money in case you need it," Sandy offered, reaching into his wallet.

"Thanks." Ryan grabbed the money before Seth could get his hands on it. Folding it, he shoved the fifty dollars in his front pocket.

"Be safe guys, stay out of trouble."

Both boys smiled and nodded. When the front door clicked closed, Seth went into overdrive.

"Okay Ryan, the 'rents are gone. Now? How about now? Can we go now?" Like a six year old pleading to go to the zoo, Seth bounced up and down and folded his hands in begging fashion.

"Yeah we can go."

The news set Seth racing for the front door and peering out the peephole. "They're gone! We can get the Rover out, let's go!" Whipping the car keys at Ryan, Seth scurried out the door and flung himself into the front seat of the car. Within minutes, they were on their way to…wherever.

With the sole intent of building up Seth's anxiety, Ryan pulled off to get dinner, just a quick stop for burgers and fries.

When they were finishing up, "Alright no more stalling! I ate my dinner, I went to the bathroom…there's nothing else to do but my present. So…let's go."

"Sure you're ready?"

"Ryan, it's my birthday…there are presents involved! For this, I was born ready!"

A mischievous grin took over Ryan's face, "Then I guess we better go."

The twenty-minute ride down the expressway was more than Seth could bear and he was continuously fussing in his seat. When the car slowed down and veered into a parking lot, he craned his neck to find out their destination.

"The Admiral," he read on the sign. "What is this? Is it a casino?"

"No, it's a club," Ryan explained, exiting the car.

"A club? Dude you hate dancing! We didn't have to come here."

"This sort of dancing…I do."

Seth watched Ryan pull two twenty-dollar bills from his wallet and carefully fold them into a small square, which he palmed in his right hand. "What's that for?"

"Cover charge."

"So why scrunch it up like that?"

"You'll see. Stay close to me."

Following Ryan to the door, the bouncer looked at the two boys and frowned at them.

"Ryan," Seth whispered. "He's the size of King Kong! Do not upset him."

Shaking Seth off, "Hey…Atwood…should be on the list."

Standing nervously behind the protection of Ryan, Seth watched the ape sized brut scan the list. Seth's heart raced when the bouncer got to the bottom and lowered the clipboard to his side.

"I'm sorry Sir, I'm not seeing it. What did you say the name was again?" The bouncer leaned forward extending a hand to Ryan.

Unmoved by the intimidating gesture, Ryan shook the bouncer's hand, "It's Atwood, with an 'A'. Should be right at the top."

"Atwood…Atwood…" the bouncer repeated, scanning his clipboard for a second time. Turning his hand slightly, a smile found it's way onto his face. "I apologize Sir, it's right here. Enjoy your evening." Stepping aside, he allowed Ryan and Seth through the ropes.

"Ryan, sometimes it's just unnerving how you know how to do that stuff."

Passing through the doors, the boys made their way up a short flight of stairs where there was music blaring from behind a set of red velvet curtains.

"You ready for this?" Ryan asked again, biting his bottom lip.

"Bring it!"

Pulling the curtain aside, Ryan stepped into the dark room with Seth following closely behind. It was at this point that Seth's mouth hit the floor. There were three large stages with scantily clad women bumping, grinding and swinging on poles to the pounding music. The cocktail waitresses were only dressed in negligees and they didn't leave much to the imagination.

Startled, Seth jumped forward a bit. "Ryan, that waitress just grabbed my ass."

"Yeah they do that," Ryan admitted nonchalantly without taking his eyes off the girls.

"Why do I get the feeling you've been here before?" Seth asked, watching nurse walk by, his attention drawn to her stethoscope.

Ryan could only turn to Seth and smile knowingly before tipping his head, implying they should circulate a bit.

Leading Seth across the room, the guys stood near the farthest stage. A dancer roaming the floor stopped in front of Ryan and placed her hands around his hips. With the dancer grinding against the front of his jeans, Ryan took a moment to look her up and down, in favor of the attention he was getting.

"He's definitely done this before," Seth mumbled to himself.

Watching the dancer snuggle up to Ryan, Seth was suddenly aware there was a good chance he'd be on his own shortly. Ryan definitely had his hands full…literally. Things changed though when Ryan wrapped his arm around the dancer's waist and whispered something to her. Both of them glanced at Seth in the middle of their conversation before walking over to him.

Letting go of the still gyrating dancer, Ryan reached into his pocket and withdrew the fifty dollars Sandy had given them towards dinner.

Meeting Seth's gaze, "Seth, this is Shayla."

Seth's eyes grew as big as saucers and his face went slowly pale as his mind began to grasp where this was leading.

Handing the dancer the cash, "Shayla this is Seth, my brother. Tomorrow's his birthday…dance for him?"

"Love to," the bombshell said, taking the money from Ryan and slipping it in her bottoms.

"Ryan, wait, wait wait! Why…why…why are you giving her money?" Seth panicked.

"Be gentle with him Shay, it's his first visit. And he's got a family dinner tomorrow night so don't leave any marks on him…at least, not where other people can see them."

"Marks? What marks? Ryan…Ry…Ryan, where is she taking me?" Seth asked frantically with the dancer pulling him by the hand.

Shayla led Seth away as Ryan waved his fingers at Seth with a devilish grin creeping onto his lips.

Once in the back of the club, Shay pulled Seth into a private dance room and gently seated him in a chair. With the pulse of music pounding throughout the club, she found a rhythm and started to move. With her hands roaming her body, Seth found it near impossible to sit still. He crossed his arms and then uncrossed them. He crossed his legs but couldn't sit long like that either. He even chewed the nail on his thumb hoping it would offer some sort of distraction, it didn't. All hope was lost when the dancer sauntered up and straddled his lap.

"Dear God. So…so this is dancing?" Seth squeaked, sounding like he'd reached puberty the moment she sat on his lap.

"It's the start of it," she explained, pressing herself against Seth's body.

"Um, Shayla, you should know I'm ah, I'm not exactly like Ryan." Struggling to get the words out, Seth allowed his eyes to close as the dancer ran her fingers through his hair, around his neck and then down his chest.

"Well you are brothers, Ryan likes it when I do this…does Seth like it too?" Grinding against the fly of his jeans, Shay noticed Seth getting stiff and not just in the region she was paying attention to. Leaning forward, she licked his neck before whispering in his ear, "Relax Seth. I don't bite…unless you ask me to."

"For the love of God!" Seth whimpered. It was more than obvious Shayla was going to make sure every bit of Ryan's fifty dollars was money well spent.

"Before we go on Seth, Ryan said to tell you Happy Birthday."

Fifteen minutes later Shay was leading Seth through the club back to where she figured Ryan would be. Sure enough, they found him pinned up against a wall with another dancer leaning on him, his hand on her ass.

"Ryan…" Shay interrupted.

"Hey," Ryan smiled. "There's the birthday boy."

Wearily Seth slid across the wall next to Ryan as both dancers disappeared into the crowd.

"Ryan, next time we come back here, remind me to bring a change of clothes."

Ryan's head snapped in Seth's direction and he couldn't help but chuckle. "So I guess you enjoyed the dance."

"Enjoyed…Ryan…is an understatement."

Still laughing, "Cool, then I guess you're ready to mingle a bit."

"Ryan I'm not sure I can handle any more birthday-ness tonight."

"I promise, I'll go easy on you. Let's sit down."

Meanwhile, approaching the intersection, "What a night," Sandy complained. "I'm glad to be heading home, so much for trying out new places. I knew there was a reason we avoided this area."

Rolling the car to a stop at the red light, Kirsten lazily glowered at the neon lights emanating from the strip club. "I'm so glad you aren't into this sort of thing honey. I mean really, what sort of person spends their hard earned money in a place like this?"

On the verge of agreeing with his wife, Sandy refrained when he noticed something familiar in the parking lot.

"Sandy?" Kirsten questioned noticing he was engrossed in something.

"You're not going to believe this honey," Sandy stalled, trying to find the right words to let her know that her sons were more than likely inside this so called 'establishment'.

'What?"

"By chance, does that Range Rover look familiar to you?"

Searching the parking lot, Kirsten's eyes landed on the vehicle in question. "It can't be…they wouldn't…oh I'll kill them if they're in there!"

"Honey, that's your license plate…They're here."

"Pull over and get them out of there!" Kirsten demanded.

Pulling into the lot, Sandy parked rather close to the Rover. "I'll be right back."

Walking up to the club, Sandy pulled out his wallet and paid his cover charge. Stepping through the curtains he eyed the room. He knew full well that Ryan could probably blend into surroundings like this but Seth, Seth would stick out like a sore thumb.

"You know, I gotta hand it to you Ryan," Seth boasted. "This is a night I will never forget."

"I'm glad man. I didn't know what else to do for you."

"Look at this place! It's amazing! There's girls everywhere." Allowing his eyes to wander the room, Seth's eyes registered a nightmarish sight. "Ryan get down! Now!"

Pulling Ryan off his chair, both boys landed flat on their backs, looking up at the girls on stage and the girls took advantage of their viewpoint, treating them to a special show.

"Ryan…Ryan look."

"I promise you man, I'm looking!"

"No! Not there! Over there!" Seth clarified, pointing to the red curtains and bringing Sandy into Ryan's line of view.

"Oh shit," Ryan muttered.

"What do we do? How do we get out? He's standing right in front of the only way out."

"Don't panic. We'll split up. Go around the back of the room, keep an eye on him at all times. When he starts walking into the middle, head for the door. I'll meet you out front by the car."

"Got it."

Trying to be as stealth as possible, the boys split up, hoping their escape plan would work. Ryan paid more attention to Seth than to Sandy, he was confident he knew what Sandy was going to do. When he saw him take a few steps further into the room, Ryan got down on all fours and crawled behind the tables in the direction of the door until he found a familiar pair of shoes in his way.

"Lose something?"

Sitting back on his heels, Ryan cautiously looked up at the voice…Sandy's voice.

"Get up," Sandy instructed with a less than patient tone. "Where's Seth?"

"Around."

"Around where?"

Looking past Sandy, Ryan caught a glimpse of Seth as he made his way toward them.

"Hi," he said, avoiding his father's eyes.

"Don't 'Hi' me," Sandy said sternly. "Just how did you guys get into this place to begin with? You're not old enough."

"We just paid a cover charge like everyone else," Seth explained, staring at the girls on the stage instead of looking at his father.

Seeing Seth was a hopeless cause, Sandy turned to Ryan, who was watching the girls as well. "Ryan…Ryan! I thought I asked you to tone down your Chino ways. Do you really think you've done that tonight?"

Ryan eyed Sandy, guilty as charged. "It was Seth's birthday. I wanted to do something…something he'd never done before."

"Obviously, you've been here before."

Raising his eyebrows, Ryan planned on avoiding the question when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Ryan, honey, you didn't tell me you were having additional guests." Shayla prowled up to Sandy and wrapped her feather boa around his neck.

"Friend of yours Ryan?" Sandy asked, growing more and more uncomfortable with each movement the dancer made.

"Shay's really good Dad. She's just saying hello really."

Looking from boy to boy, Seth was trying to control a smile and Ryan was smiling and biting his lip at the same time. Realizing he wasn't going to get any help from them, "Shayla is it? I'm sure you're really good at…at…what you do, but my wife is waiting for me in the car. I was only…"

"Oh that's okay Tiger. I get that a lot. I'll just give you a quickie and send you on your way." Turning around, she did a little bump and grind on Sandy before prowling around the back of him, causing him to jump.

"I think she just pinched me."

"In the ass?" Seth enjoyed rubbing it in. "Yeah, they do that Dad."

"Okay…Shay…that's…that's enough." Sandy tried to stay strong as the woman let her hand roam down his chest and across the front of his slacks. "Give me strength," he mumbled.

The boys' fun was cut short by a voice that sliced the atmosphere. "That's it! You're all grounded! All of you!"

At least the three of them had the courtesy to look surprised at Kirsten's rampage.

"I mean it! No surfing, no soccer and no video games!" she sentenced pointing at each of them respectively.

"Sounds like the party is over boys. I'll see ya later." Bidding farewell, Shay extracted herself from the situation and returned to circulating the room.

"I should have known! Who has the keys to the Rover?" Putting her hand out, Ryan met her demand by serving up the keys. "Fine. Ryan, in the Rover with me. Seth, Sandy, you ride together. Everyone home. Now."

The boys knew better than to say anything and one by one they filed through the red curtains and out into the parking lot where they divided up as they were instructed.

In the Rover, "Ryan, what were you guys thinking? These girls…they're…they're…"

"They're dancers, Kirsten. That's it. Nothing more. You give them a few bucks, they give you a quick lap dance and then they're off to the next customer."

"You say that likes there's nothing wrong with that!"

"There isn't. Everybody keeps their clothes on and their hands to themselves. Well, at least the hands stay on the outside of the clothes. It's innocent."

"Clearly you've done this before. Ryan, how old were you when you had your first dance?"

Embarrassed, Ryan looked out the front windshield. "My brother took me, got me into a club in Chino. I was fourteen."

"Fourteen! You were just a baby!"

"Yeah well, in Chino they break you in young."

"Fourteen," Kirsten muttered again. "Jesus."

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you and I didn't mean to get Seth in trouble. It's just…it's something my brother did with me, sort of like a rite of passage. It was fun. I'm the only brother Seth has and tomorrow's his birthday. I just…I wanted to do this with him. It's a guy thing I guess. A brother thing."

It never ceased to amaze Kirsten that, even in the middle of being reprimanded, Ryan could melt away her anger with the right explanation. He didn't use words often but he knew which ones to use at the right time.

"I guess I can understand that. I'm a girl, a Mom at that. And no Mom wants to see a stripper dancing or hanging on her boys, any of them. The big one isn't off the hook either."

Sharing a laugh, "I don't think Sandy knew what hit him. Don't be too hard on him. We didn't exactly come to his rescue."

"My punishment still stands, for all of you. And that means no soccer for you for a week."

"We play Ocean Glen this week. Gonna be a good game," Ryan whimpered like a little boy.

"You should have thought about that before you snuck out to see Brittney the Boob Girl."

Laughing, "Her name's Shayla," Ryan defended.

"Ah, right. That's so much better."

"Maybe if I do some extra work for the Judge, she'll lighten my sentence in time to play the game?" he bargained, pleading with his blue eyes.

"Maybe…if you're lucky. She'll be watching."

Sharing another smile, they both know that Ryan will end up playing the Ocean Glen game. He was good for his word. He'd make it up in other ways.

Several intersections ahead, Seth and Sandy paused at a stoplight.

"Did you know that's where you were going?" Sandy interrogated.

"No, I didn't. You know Ryan, he can keep a secret even if he's on his deathbed. Didn't even give me any clues."

"You know you guys were in there underage and if anything happened…"

"I know. I guess that was part of the appeal, at least for me. It's like, Ryan has this whole other side to him. He's done all this stuff, he's got the stories to tell. I don't. I guess that's why he did this."

"So you're saying you're looking to unleash your inner delinquent? Is that it?"

"Yeah. Well, no. I mean, I don't want to get arrested necessarily or go to Juvie but he's told me some fun stuff."

"Like what?"

"Sorry Dad, Brotherhood Code of Conduct, I can't tell you." Innocently Seth turns and looks out his window.

"Brotherly secrets. I get it. I know Ryan cares about you, as a brother. I know he would never do anything that would purposely get you hurt, or in trouble. Quite frankly, I think tonight's little escapade was innocent enough. It's almost like a rite of passage, going to your first club."

"So you're saying you did this too when you were my age?"

"Sure. Every guy does it. Just don't rub that fact in your Mother's face, or she'll kill us all."

Laughing, "So then, you didn't really mind what Shayla did?"

"Beautiful girl. She obviously knows how to work a room. No wonder you guys like her."

"You're avoiding my question."

Pulling into their driveway, "Son, I have to, somehow, convince your Mother that I wasn't enjoying that dancer so I can sleep in my own bed tonight. I'm trying to forget Shayla as quickly as possible or my punishment is going to be double what you guys got."

"Got it."

"As for you, do what your Mother asks for the next few days. You know she'll lighten up towards the end of the week."

"I will. Thanks for being cool about this."

"Just don't make a habit out of it. I can only dig you guys out of this hole so many times."

Stepping out of their car just as the Rover pulled up behind them, Seth caught a glimpse of Ryan smiling and knew he'd worked over, and probably won over, his mother. People skills. Ryan was good at that.

In the house, the boys said their goodnights to Sandy and Kirsten and dispersed to their own rooms. Tomorrow was a new day, Seth's real birthday to be exact. And despite being caught red-handed, the night still ended on a good note.

Back in their own bedroom, Sandy and Kirsten compared car stories.

"So, what did Seth have to say for himself?" she inquired, hands on her hips and looking at her husband expectantly.

"Honey, they're boys. Boys do these sorts of things." Seeing his wife wasn't pleased with that answer, he elaborated. "He basically said he knew it was wrong but he's never done anything…wild…like that. Apparently Ryan's told him stories about things he's done and Seth wanted some stories of his own to brag on. He was glad Ryan did this with him. Now he has a story. Albeit, it ends with his parents showing up, but I don't think he cares."

"If he's going to try to catch up to Ryan's stories, we're in a lot of trouble," she voiced.

"You got that right!" Sandy laughed. "What about Ryan? What did he say?"

"He said his brother took him to his first club and he wanted to do this for Seth. That it's a brother thing. He went to his first club when he was fourteen, can you believe that?"

"Wow, I guess they really start them young in Chino."

"That's what he said."

The room was quiet for a moment before Sandy continued. "Well, I guess we'd rather have him watching dancers than trying to keep up with Ryan's sexual appetite. Things could be worse."

"Sandy please don't say that. Ryan is active enough for the both of them."

"That would be scary."

"Speaking of sexual appetite…"

"What?" Sandy asked, pretending to not know where this was leading.

"Don't give me that. You're in a lot of trouble too you know."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Uh huh. That's not what it looked like."

"Kirsten, honey, I wasn't in there long enough to get into trouble!"

"You're a boy. You were in trouble the minute you walked in there!" She couldn't help but laugh. She had Sandy backpedaling against the wall, and she liked it. "Did you like it when she did this?" Kirsten asked, innocently running her fingers through Sandy's hair.

Closing his eyes, "That's nice. But you do it much better honey."

"Nice save! What about this? Did she do this?" she asked, pressing against his body.

"Kirsten, honey, the boys…"

"The boys went to bed," she explained, kissing his neck. "You know, Ryan has this theory about weaning down his sentence by doing something nice for the Judge."

"Really? Does it work?"

"I have to review each case individually. Make me your best offer counselor."

"Yes Ma'am."

With the flip of the switch the room went dark…


End file.
